5 Stages of Grief

The famed 5 stages of grief which each of us may experience during loss.

Denial - defense mechanism which triggers thoughts, feelings that rejects the truth

Anger - emotional state which ranges from minor irritation to intense rage

Bargaining - negotiation with the truth

Depression - emotional state of extreme sadness

Acceptance - coming to terms with the truth

Each of us can experience one or more or all of the above stages of grief during a loss, and at varied duration for each stage. Some experience denial for a long time before finally coming to terms in trying to accept the truth but begins to bargain. Others just experience anger straight on and falls into deep depression.

There's no escape from grief, we are bound to experience some form of it, its a suffering that I feel makes us better and stronger when we finally come to terms with acceptance and also enlightenment. To be able to see the silver lining on a dark cloud.

Despair and disappointment

From 100 Love Sonnets
by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: Where “I” does not exist, nor “You”, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Is love more than just feelings? Do actions really amount to the great deal of love that is suppose to be. If so then what is the limit to expressing one's love, would it mean like what Jesus Christ did for man by sacrificing and dying on the cross the redeem the sins of man and bringing salvation to everyone?

I don't use much of big actions to prove, maybe I just don't love her enough. I know how I feel about wanting to spend my life with her, but maybe, just maybe the sense of familiarity and years that have transcended has made me lazy and not show or express the feelings I have for her. I am disappointed in her and in myself today... I think the actions we showed today was just plain sad.

How Do I Love Thee?
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

What is your deepest fear?

I recently watch Coach Carter, coach Carter asks Cruz, What is your deepest fear. Cruz doesn't have an answer for this until much later in the movie when he stands up among his peers and recites.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This is quoted from Marianne Williamson's book Marianne's Journal.

Honestly its one of the best quotes i have ever heard, I will remember this for many days to come.

On another note, i know i have neglected this blog, but i just dun feel inspired to write lately, maybe i will pick up and start writing. I am sorry i don't write this for anyone but myself, its my place to leave my thotts, my feelings and my opinions.

just a small post to aid you...yes you!

if you're an avid blog reader like me, you probably read 10s if not 100s of blogs a day, and if you don't use a RSS aggreator yet, check out Preetam Rai's tutorial on how to use Bloglines.

And then there was...

I did it, i finally submitted succumbed to the temptations of writing out my thoughts and publishing my feelings to the world. Never really wanted to start a blog 'cause i always felt that i have nothing much to say and personally never felt that i could be a good writer. my thoughts are always so messed up it never gets organised in a way i could pen it down.i could be thinking of one thing right at this moment but i would put it on hold cause i am doing something else and then it goes and zooms to another train of thought...

well at least i got my ass off and started a blog, guess i will have to seriously think about writing some condusive content and making the most of what i started a meaningful part of life.

edit:fixed a grammer mistake as pointed out by my dearie